Spoilsports

Time to blog a bit, I reckon, now that my diurnal life has stabilized a bit. I just have a few snippets of thought to throw out.

I’m pretty disappointed right now with the air around the new Harry Potter book. K has determined not to read it until it comes out in paperback (so that her copy matches the rest of her paperbacks), and I’m inclined to wait with her. After all, there’s a good chance I’ll like it, and want to talk about it. It would be awkward at the very least to have read the book and not be able to discuss it with the #1 person in my life, especially when she shares the interest. So I’m really torqued with all the spoilers. Or, should I say, all of the instances of The One Big Spoiler. (And it should go without saying that I won’t be repeating it or linking to it here. So you’re safe to keep reading.) I’m on The Internet a bit. The ol’ Memex-o-tron keeps shooting linked pages at me, and The One Big Spoiler keeps popping out all over the place where it doesn’t belong. In web comics? In technical forums? In Linux newsletters? Please, people. Give me a break. (Note to spoilsports: I realize that you think everyone who will ever want to actually enjoy the book with its plot twists intact read it over the first weekend, but that is just because you are idiots. So try to compensate a bit with tact. If you can’t come up with any of that, your silence will suffice. Free super bonus hint: Tact and silence are often indistinguishable, even to experts.) My policy, of course, has been to apply some willing suspension of disbelief (which is quite natural in the context of all-ages fantasy enjoyment) and realize that since The Spoiler is being disseminated by idiots and trolls that The Spoiler may well be false. Unfortunately, as you can guess from my name for it, The Spoiler is pretty much totally consistent, even down to page number. (Yes. Page number. The “Oh Noes I Let It Slip Accidentally Honest” Defense can’t even apply, because there are PAGE NUMBERS INCLUDED.) So I know The Big Secret. The Big Shocker. The Plot Twist (or, at least, it seems like a twist to me, since it wasn’t alluded to in the previous books, and I haven’t even read page 1 of Half-Blood Prince). This is exactly like when The Sixth Sense came out, and the first — THE FIRST — review I read for the movie revealed the twist ending in its first paragraph. ON OPENING WEEKEND. Spoilsports, I am so tired of you. update 2005.08.04 @00:07
Oh, yes.
I forgot to mention: I realize that there is a perfectly valid argument that could be made by various internet idiots, trolls, miscreants and various other tactless beings[0], while perusing a technical article or web comic archive, I could simply detect a few words or sentences in advance that the spoiler is upcoming, and avert my eyes, or perhaps close my browser, or burn the computer. Which could indeed be made possible by the judicious application of Spoiler Space. Which appears to have gone the way of things that have gone away. I simply read web pages too fast, in “blocks” too large, and with too much momentum to stop on a dime in the middle of a dense paragraph or 15-word comic strip. I guess that makes me the jerk for voluntarily reading someone’s unmarked spoilers when I could, in theory, have just walked away (or gouged out my eyes, I suppose), and then getting upset. I’ll have to ask around a bit to determine whether anyone would reasonably come to that conclusion, and whether it even merits consideration. If it does, I guess in the future I should just drop everything and read a book the second it comes out, or forfeit any hope of enjoying it later. I am perhaps lulled into a false sense of security, thinking that the book could be enjoyed as if freshly revealed at an arbitrarily distant time as long as I avoid deliberate discussion of its plot in the meantime — a deceit that the book’s seductively imperishable ink-on-paper configuration would seem to promote. Time to take a shower and maybe wash some of this bitter off. [0] Also, probably Canthros, and maybe even reasonable people who are trying to justify unfettered flow of out-of-band information, or at least quell my somewhat petulant argument[1], which is why I even bother to mention it here.
[1] Yes, you see, I understand that the problem of spoiled plot twists in children’s literature is a relatively small concern in the life of a professional American. I take great comfort and encouragement from the fact that this is the thing that is bothering me at the moment, rather than evasion of gunfire, defense against eminent domain, or the looming spectre of death^w nationalized healthcare. update 2005.08.04 @23:47
Ryan North
of Dinosaur Comics and Whispered Apologies seems to agree that this tendency is annoying.