Gaze Upon My Works, Ye Crustaceans, And Despair

On many a Friday night, K and I like to go out with our friends R and B for dinner. And often, I will insist on a place with good, local beer. And that frequently means Emmett’s. As a bonus, Emmett’s has a Friday Prime Rib special and a Friday Fish & Chips special – this does not hurt its case at all.

But on this Friday, things would be different. On this Friday, Unforeseen Circumstances came into play, and the crabs were out in force.

All You Can Eat Crab

This left me with no real choice. I had to take on the crabs. And several pints of good beer. The aftermath was gruesome, but my foes lay defeated, and – unlike their Black Mesa brethren – devoured.

Crab Aftermath

I learned some important things during this adventure:

  • The first pint of beer is most enjoyable if consumed before the food arrives. (Wait, I already knew this, but I keep forgetting it for some reason.)
  • Alaskan King Crabs are really spiny. (I have a lot of tiny, superficial holes and scratches in my hands for now.)
  • Fingers will get pruny while handling boiled foods. (I personally found this both hilarious and pretty gross.)
  • I am capable of consuming a lot of crab – probably much more even than I ate tonight.
  • I don’t want to eat that much crab.
  • The crab came with vegetables and a baked potato. R posited that the potato was a distraction from the more expensive crab. However, it seems pretty clear now that the potato is a kind of gauge for the crab experience. You still aren’t supposed to eat it, but at some point it will seem like a really good idea to stop eating crab and fill up on the potato, instead. This is the point at which you should stop ordering more crab.
  • Do not eat the potato at that point, anyway. It is cold, and probably soggy from boiled vegetable and boiled crab moisture.
  • Do not try to eat the little bits of crab that land on the plate as you disassemble the crab legs, unless you also like to eat little bits of shell.
  • I do not also like to eat little bits of shell.

R also says it’s really funny that the receipt has a line item for 3 MORE CRAB.

Could she be more right?


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