Archive for the 'Culture' Category

A Return To Bipedal Hominidism

Okay.  How big a computer nerd do you have to be before you are walking 0.8 miles, and you think, “Man, walking still works pretty reliably to get me around.  The old Biped Two-Step is still pretty easy.”

Granted, I’m not in my usual state of mind.  Why?  Try this:

1. Stay out late for beers and all-you-can-eat fish+chips at a local brewery, then stay up some more to play with the new PSP firmware
2. Wake up throughout the night due to restless stomach (oh, fish+chips, why must you be so SALTY and OILY)
3. Get out of bed unnaturally early (for a Saturday, 6:20 AM will do) to take your car into the mechanic before the 8:00 AM rush1
4. ??? (I’m close to a breakthrough here.  I think “???” might actually be “nap”.)
5. Profit! (HAR HAR AS IF. I took my car to a mechanic.  I’m in for $188.83 before they even finish the diagnostics on my anti-lock braking system.)

P.S. - Re: “unnaturally early” – For those of you who get up every morning at 5:00 AM and go punch wallabees or whatever it is you do at 5:00 AM, you probably weren’t drowning fried cods in beers at 10:00 PM, so I think we work from different givens.  You can have your dark wake-up calls; I’ll take my dark at night when it seems more natural.  Besides, by working in shifts, we can oppress the wallabees at all hours.

P.P.S. – Also, if my wife – who is always awake before I am – is so sleepy that I’d rather leave her in bed than have her come pick me up in the 45 degree weather, it must be unnaturally early.

P.P.P.S. – Also, I have made claims that I like this weather, but those claims were necessarily based on memories that were at least a year old.  I can now substantiate those claims, though:  I enjoyed taking a chilly walk through dry leaves with my knit cap, fleece, jacket and gloves on.  My face was pleasantly cold, and the rest of me was not too hot. 2

P.P.P.P.S. – Given that I program the thermostat at my house, you may now pity my wife.

P.P.P.P.P.S. – Small miracle: I dislike Halloween more every year, but my walk turned up just about zero crazy-zealous Halloween decorations.  Unless you count the costumed mannequins in the front window of the… um… “Adult Sleepwear” store down the street.  But they’re crazy-zealous year round.

1. The rush is not so brutal on a Saturday, but it’s nearly a guarantee that if you bring your car in that early, you will get it looked at before 10:00 AM instead of after lunch. [↩]
2. Note to future self: Hi!  I left some candy in the back of the cupboard, which you have probably totally forgotten about by now.  Check it for ants and staleness.  If it’s still okay, Enjoy!  Um… unless you already ate it, in which case, it wasn’t me!  Well, it wasn’t me me!  It was the me between me me and you me, so blame him (us).
   Oh.  Also, you can use this paragraph as substantiation for your weather claims in (me me) my future!  Yeah, totally awesome. [↩]